We Are Broke

Soooo…where do I begin eh? These past few weeks have been challenging to say the least chile. School has been ripping me a new one, work is just…blah and two of our cars were in the shop. One was involved in a hit and run (in front of our own house!) the other just broke down.

And speaking of broke down…

Okay, not really. But by our standards we are. *Disclaimer: I am throwing caution to the wind by speaking about our finances, as Harris may end up in court again shortly after this is posted. #heyboo* Anyway, Harris is very good at creating multiple streams of income. He started a business a few years back, but he just started cultivating it last summer. And boy did it take off. It required him to work long hours, seven days a week but the money…. man look, it was nothing for him to give me a grand just to blow. I can’t even tell you how much damage I did at Bath and Body Works, American Apparel and various online retailers, spas, restaurants..

Now we weren’t all the way hood rich we continued to save and tithe, upgraded a few things etc. Went to San Juan and a Philly Eagles game and balled out. Life was good. Unfortunately, business has been slow for the past several weeks, Harris has been taking it kinda hard because we have to rely on our regular 9-5 income, where before we wouldn’t have to touch our paychecks. #firstworldproblems I feel like a basic chick. LOL Just kidding.

Seriously though, the reduced income has really affected the pace at which we were trying to accomplish a few things, bigger house, and my insane amount of student loan debt to name a couple. I am taking it in stride as we are still doing better than most people, but Harris not so much. I get it. As a man, you want to be the epitome of a provider. You want the finer things in life, you want to live comfortably, you want your wife to go out here and stunt.

-Harris

So we talked it out, decided we weren’t going to worry, prayed, and let it go. We even increased our tithes and continued to build our savings. Well, dontchaknow Harris got a call a couple days ago from a company needing his services, and he is back to being almost as busy as he was before. Look at God. #wontHedoit

Just goes to show that worrying accomplishes nothing, God is always in control. If you’re going to worry, why pray? If you pray, why worry? Let your test be a testament.

Til Next Time….

Petty Boop, Me, Harris and Jesus

I woke up this morning around five as Harris was getting ready for work. I couldn’t go back to sleep so naturally I checked my phone. And what do I see? Yet another negative comment from Petty Boop, it’s like she wakes up thinking about me. As my husband is preparing to leave I share with him what was said. He laughed, kissed me and left. As I lay in bed, I meditated.

Over the past few weeks Harris and I have been attending Bible study and our pastor discussed how hard these last 90 days have been for him as we are moving into a new church and with growth, comes strife. Then, the Holy Spirit spoke to me and to paraphrase took me back through all the trouble I’ve gone through in life from sexual assault, abuse, depression, failed relationships and the list goes on. But moreover, the question posed was, “If you have forgiven for all those things, why can’t you forgive now? Pray for her.” And I’m going to be honest, I wasn’t prepared for that. To have someone harass and taunt you, while pretending to be someone else is difficult for a person like me. I address people DIRECTLY when I have an issue. This pump faking, I’m not about that life. So on my way to work I called Harris and told him about it, he suggested I write this here post and here we are 🙂

Harris texts later in the morning that he knew who has being thuggish ruggish bone in my comments. See when Harris emailed Boop initially, he never got a response. But today Boop responded, *plot twist* in his email address the full name appeared. Genius. I can’t make this up. Turns out it is a male, who is a former associate of his. Reread that sentence again, and again, and again. I’m just going to leave that there for yall to digest. Take all the time you need.

Bottom line, Harris handled it like a man. Boo, you the real MVP. I swear when I try to be on the Jesus bus full time I have to deal with more problems. That’s how it works, some people LIVE to cause strife in your life. Harris and I have matured so much because nothing that was said disrupted our marriage or caused us to lose any sleep. It became more about principle with a dash of pride. Period.com

But as I was reminded this morning, sometimes you just gotta forgive, pray for their deliverance and move on.

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One last nugget to remember when you read this here blog…

Off to play PS4 with Harris…til next time yall

Petty Boop

Heyyy!

I’m taking a really quick break from studying and homework to watch ratchet TV with Harris. It’s a guilty pleasure of ours. I promised myself I would write more consistently this year. So far so good yes?

My last post was quite problematic for one reader. He identifies himself as a man, but acts like a female so here on out I will refer to this person as a woman. The same username has posted comments under two different email addresses, same person? Who knows. I haven’t lost any sleep over it. Let’s call her Petty Boop? Yeah that’s perfect! Ok, Boop essentially took issue with my last post, she called me an immature liar, a sight for sore eyes and spoke on my overbite (which my orthodontist said is normal and that I have perfect teeth) oh and she spoke on the gap between my two front teeth. Yass hunny. She went in didn’t she? But I’m the immature one. Oh.

But for the record, I’ve always been insecure about my gap, so I invested in Invisalign last year. Take that, take that, take that *Diddy voice* So it’s obvious she knows more than she is letting on. Which is cool, I’ll let her be great. Boop was grasping for straws so she said what she thought would hurt or embarrass me. Mission failed. I tell yall my flaws all the time, so trust me when I say it does not hurt when others point them out. I found her comical, but annoying nonetheless.

But to be completely honest, I stopped taking Petty Boop seriously when she included in her comment ‘guardian at lightem’ it was hilarious because she claims to be soo close to the legal system but didn’t perform a simple Google search to spell legal jargon correctly. HE-LARIOUS. Highlight + Shift F7 boo, let it be your bestest fran. Anyway, Harris took issue with her last comment and he responded directly to her, no response yet. Harris is my ride or die do you hear me? Maybe she wasn’t aware we have her IP address? IDK yall. Everyone knows there is no such thing as privacy anymore. Harris is an IT professional, heck I just took an HTML coding class! I digress. It’s funny how people get so bold on these here innanets, but when confronted run for the hills. I don’t do internet thugs.

I stand by EVERYTHING I write here, and I don’t lie. I exaggerate at times, and sprinkle sarcasm on 99% of posts, but it’s real. I don’t hide under the guise of anonymity. If you can’t handle it, maybe this isn’t your cup of tea, and that’s cool. No hard feelings.

I learn so much from all my interactions with people. I am truly thankful for every comment negative or positive it really fosters personal growth. So Petty Boop, the next time you want to assassinate my character, say it to my face boo. Luh yew, mean it.

Bitter Betty Syndrome

Today was a very bad no good day.

Me. Today. All day.

Harris and I attended court today in order to settle a visitation dispute regarding his daughter. Bitter Betty (the baby mama) has been Tina Turnup since we got married. I told Harris it would go further downhill once we tied the knot, because it was already headed down this road when she realized he was serious about me. That’s how bitter women behave.

Better luck the third time around girl.

I’ve felt for some time now that she has had a large part in running our household. Harris views his actions as trying to keep the peace, and I view it as passive. Tomato, tamato. Sometimes you just have to stand up for what is right and let the chips fall where they may. But that’s another story. We discuss this a lot, I need him to take more of a stand, and he is very reluctant. It’s hard to be supportive when deep down your feelings don’t matter, all because you are not the biological parent. It’s hard to move forward, when you have Bitter Betty dangling a carrot over your head. I swear I lose more sleep about this, than I do regarding the child I gave birth to. Bruh!

What is Bitter Betty syndrome? It’s never fun to see your ex get married first to better things, and by better I mean me. Some people just cannot move on from the past and let others be great. Betty can be you, anyone you know, or the dreadful person(s) your spouse decided to have a child with.

Back to court, I put on a nice outfit, my favorite lipstick and headed to court. Harris said I was #teamtoomuch, Petty LaBelle and worrying about the wrong thing. Wrong. In actuality, when I look good WE look good.

Tuh!

Blended families can be great, when everyone is on the same accord. When there is poor communication, open wounds and stubbornness it will breed nothing but trouble. Le sigh. I wonder if Bitter Betty liked my outfit?

Check!

Misunderstandings

Hey yall!

Things are going well over here..this includes my marriage. Had to say that because Harris took issue with my last post as he felt it inferred that he is the cause of all my problems. Which is not what I intended you folks to gather..but that’s the downside when you are a writer, your work can often be misinterpreted.

And People Too..

That leads me to my next point..I realized after our argument regarding the aforementioned post, so many of my actions are misinterpreted…mostly by Harris. For instance, we planned a date night. To be honest, I didn’t feel like going anywhere. It was cold, I was tired, I just wanted the TV to watch me fall asleep. So when I arrived home from work, my lack of desire to go was obvious. Harris took this as me not wanting to hang out with him.  Le sigh.

*Heated conversation ensued*

Harris is infamous for doing this, and how many of yall know it never ends well for him? lol

During this argument Harris said a series of things that really stuck a chord with me. Now, I can’t quote it verbatim but essentially he stated that A) I am the closest person to him…his best friend, B) I know him better than anyone (including his mother) and C) He becomes disappointed when my actions do not reflect the same.

He then goes on to speak about my former best friend, and how he remembers how hurt I was by her actions, and explains this is parallel to how he feels when I don’t show much interest in things that are important to him. Now, I’m not going to lie, I was kinda confused about how he gathered alllllll of this from me not wanting to go out. He was definitely reaching.  However, as I allowed his message to marinate for several days, I realized he interpreted my actions as a form of rejection. His reaction was bigger than a simple date night postponement, it was a conglomerate of things. More importantly, when things are not good with your spouse, it does feel like you are losing your best friend. On my vision board I described ways on how I want to grow our marriage, so I am trying to be more understanding of what Harris needs. This is going to be tough, deep down I am really selfish.  LOL  Truth is, we all want to be understood. More importantly, we want our spouses to spring into action and correct what we feel is in need of repair. As he works to understand me, which I know is almost impossible, I will work to understand him….more. I can’t control how the receiver interprets the message but I can control its delivery. I guess that’s the first step, yes?

2014 Wrap Up

Well hello there. I almost forgot I had a space here. I’ve been so focused on..other things that I have intentionally neglected this. I’ll start with a quick wrap up:

1) I did not have a wedding. I cancelled it at the last minute due to circumstances I won’t get into right now, it’s a long sordid tale. I am still married. (I know that was the next question)
2) I’ve enrolled in school full time, still studying PR but it takes a lot of my time, energy, patience. I’ve been doing more freelancing trying to build skill, looking for more opportunities RIGHT NOW.
3) This has been the absolute worst year of my entire 29.7 years on Earth.

I will expound on number 3 because that is what fuels my next several points. This year was a catalyst for many areas of growth for me, the unfortunate part is this growth spawned from major pain. These are in no particular order by the way.

1) Help people who can do nothing for you. I really made a point to practice selflessness this year. I helped some members of my family, strangers, friends. I really try to bless others whenever I am able. It’s like chicken soup for the soul.

2) Know when to put yourself first and last. I usually put myself last, I try to make sure everyone is taken care of prior to my own needs/wants. I am learning, especially in the last months of this year that I need to love myself enough to put myself first more often. While you can’t expect everyone to love you the way you do them, you need to practice loving yourself enough so when others fall short, your love of self won’t be affected.

3) Judge not. This is hard for me, because sometimes the stuff people do you just can’t help but to judge! (lol) But that is wrong. I am learning that everyone has a vice, just because it is different from mine, I still need to offer the same support I would expect in return.

4) People will let you down. I no longer put my faith in man as that caused 99% of the issues I had this year. I no longer consume myself with how people treat me. But I can decide on what level I will interact with them. It’s okay to love people from a distance.

5) People lie. People are dishonest, sometimes maliciously and others in an attempt to protect or perhaps help the situation. It is what it is.

6) We are human. We all make mistakes. Forgive. Never forget. And sometimes, you need to just move on.

7) Love should not be unconditional (except the love you have for your children, God) I know this sounds crazy. Love should have conditions. Don’t subject yourself to misery, mistreatment for the sake of love. Deal breakers exist for a reason.

8) Be patient. The world wasn’t created in a day, some things take time. Focus on the effort more than the result.

9) Social media is the devil incarnate. People only display what they want you to know. Much of it is a facade. The happiest people online are often the most unhappy in real life. Don’t base your expectations of life on what you see online. This is why I try to be as honest and forthcoming as possible. Life is not a fairytale.

10) Spend uninterrupted time with your children and loved ones. Those candid moments, the unfiltered moments are so priceless it brings so much warmth to your heart. I didn’t realize how fast my daughter was growing up until I started spending more time with her, without the phone in my hand.

11) It’s okay not to be okay. No explanation needed.

12) God is everything. He is your light, your nourishment, your support beam. When I felt like giving up, I would read the Bible randomly flipping pages and would always find the perfect scripture to see me through. Put Him first always.

What did you learn this year?

Wedding Planning, Sex in the Summer, and My Husband Don’t Play That

This week has been pretty eventful to say the least.  I’ve been in heavy wedding planner mode.  We finally booked a photographer, something I wish was one of the first things we had done.  It is incredibly hard finding a reasonably priced, but talented photographer.  I think the one we chose will accomplish our goals.  I may do a post on how to plan a champagne wedding on a moscato budget later.  I also ordered our invites, and I’m excited to send those out!  We also had our tasting and chose our menu.  Excitement and stress galore.  I’m quickly realizing my mother is vicariously living through me with all this planning, and I’m okay with that, most days.

Moving on, our church is doing a 12 week series called Sex in the Summer.  Catchy title, but it’s really about building healthy relationships.  It has really helped my marriage even though we are only two weeks in.  Our pastor gives us weekly homework to do with one another, and also gives the single folk homework too.  The main thing my pastor said that stood out to me was women have to allow the man to lead, anything with two heads is a monster.  I realize that I don’t give my husband enough rope to succeed or to hang himself (LOL).  I’m learning to follow his guidance.  I still cringe at the thought.  Maybe instead of another head, I can just sit on his shoulder?  LOL

So, I’ve always known that Harris was a bit overprotective of me.  And he proved it this weekend.  See, I was very good friends with a man, we will call him Jerry.  Well Jerry and I were very close in high school, he always wanted to date me but I never gave him a chance.  Anyway, we recently ran into him and he expressed wanting to be friends again.  Now Harris was okay with that, as long as Jerry didn’t cross any lines.  Cool.  Well Jerry crossed a line, I told Harris and I told Jerry he couldn’t speak to me that way.  Cool.  Jerry crossed another line.  Harris was like eh.  I checked Jerry again.  Cool.  Well, you know it happened again?  This man asked to take me on a date, and to Africa…yes Africa.  So this time Harris got involved.  Anndd Jerry is not allowed to contact me anymore (LOL).  My approach to try and ‘check’ Jerry was probably too soft, that’s how it is when you are made of cinnamon sugar.  I mean, I don’t like hurting people’s feelings, but at the same time I cannot allow it to the point where EYE look suspect.  So because Jerry wasn’t taking me seriously, Harris came and SHUT.IT.DOWN.  I ain’t mad at it, it’s kinda sexy.  I would feel a certain type of way if Harris didn’t care.  But I learned that I need to be firm when I encounter situations such as this, before my husband ends up jail.  I ain’t got bail money.

 

Til next time..

 

Allergies, Wedding News, and Nosy People

Hi there.

Life has definitely taken me away from blogging. This allergy season has really taken a number on me.  I’ve always had severe allergies, I’ve tried every single allergy medicine and nasal sprays nothing worked.  I made an appointment with an allergist hoping they could give me stronger meds.  If you’ve never been to an allergist, they prick you with several different allergens to see what’s causing your allergic reactions.  It’s not painful at all, but then again I have a very high pain threshold.

So essentially this is what my back looked like after the test.  As you can see every prick is very inflamed.  My doctor asked if he could take a picture (LOL).  He basically said my reactions to the allergens are very severe.  So basically, I am allergic to ALL grass, ALL weeds, ALL trees, pollen, mold, dust mites, and dust.  But not cats and dogs.  SMH.  I was prescribed steroids and he also said that no over the counter medicines will work, and suggested I begin allergy injections.  Guess how much that is?  Well, I have to go every week, my copay is $50.  That’s $200 a month.  I bout died.  But if it will make me feel better, I’m going to do it.  I start next week.

Next, Harris and I decided a few weeks ago that we would still go ahead and have our official wedding ceremony.  With that being said, I have been in overdrive getting everything planned, deposits paid etc.  We have some great things planned that I’m really excited about.  Did I mention I’ve gained 7lbs and can no longer fit my wedding dress?  Yeah, operation lose weight is in full effect.

Now, I know you guys want to know how Harris and I are doing.  Well, we are doing much better!  We are working through our issues.  Prayer does change things.  I can honestly say the last few months have really let me know what and who matters most.  That brings me to my next issue, several of his friends read my blog (thank you).  And they have been reaching out to him regarding my posts.  Mainly, they want to know exactly what our problems are.  I get it.  I’m fully aware that what I write may raise questions, it will cause people to judge, to assume.  I totally get it.  But what I write, is what EYE write.  My husband shouldn’t be held accountable for what EYE write.  Okay?  Again, this is my space.  So it is annoying when you have people reaching out to be nosy.  No one was messaging him about my posts when I spoke positively.  But hey, negativity sells I guess.  Harris refuses to name names, because he knows I will address them personally.  But I will say, if you weren’t there when things were great, please refrain from being there when things are bad.  This is my blog, you want to know details, message me, after all EYE wrote it. #OKBYE

This was taken at one of my good friend’s wedding two weeks ago.  I’m excited that I have more married friends!

Til we meet again..

The Top Six Things I’ve Learned Since Being Married…For 6 Months

Hey guys!  I’ve been taking a break from blogging to focus on the last of this semester.  I had two P.R projects to complete and I wanted to finish strong.  Grades aren’t posted yet, but my professor was very impressed.  April 22nd was our six month wedding anniversary, so without further adieu here are the top six things I’ve learned since being married….for six months.

1)  I hold grudges.  I am kinda like an elephant, I never forget when I have been wronged.  Ever.  I may forgive, eventually.  But I hold grudges.  I learned I was holding a lot against my husband for some things he has done and in order to move forward I have to forgive and let God deal with it.

2)  It is okay not to be okay.  Life is hard.  Marriage is hard.  It is okay not to be happy every day.  It is okay to have bad times.  Most importantly it is okay to admit when you just aren’t feeling it.  How much you divulge is on you, but it’s okay to cry out for help sometimes.  We all need a good cry every now and then.

3)  Courting your spouse should never end.  That is something that was kinda lost in the shuffle in our marriage.  Not intentionally, but between unexpected expenses, no childcare, arguing, school, work etc. we haven’t devoted enough child free time to each other.  We do a lot as a family, but I found that when we go out like we did before we got married, it really energizes our marriage.  I love our kids, but it’s great and necessary to have one on one fun.

4)  Speak life into your mate.  Now let me tell you I STRUGGLE with this.  Sometimes I feel like the life is being sucked out of me (lol)  but seriously, it is so important to speak to the king/queen in your mate.  The one’s closest to you often hurt you the most.  So if you constantly tear down your spouse, it will impact him on a greater scale than a stranger saying those same words.  I started encouraging Harris more, telling him I was proud of him etc.  Even though I may still be hurting, I see he really responds to positive feedback.

5)  Keep the bedroom antics on ten.  I really believe it is important to please your mate in this arena.  Try new things, ask questions, learn your mate before someone else does.  HELLO!

6)  Love your spouse every single day with all that you have.  This sounds like a no brainer, but honestly it is harder than it sounds.  Love is a decision.  It’s easy to love when things are sunny, but boy when that thunder-snow (we had snow and a thunderstorm here in VA this winter) hits it won’t be so easy.  Never give up on loving your spouse, unless they do something completely off the chain, you might want to give up then.  But seriously, you can really measure the depth of your love when you are going through the bad times.  And after the past couple months we’ve had, I’ve found I love him more than I thought. LOL

Til next time…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Quick Update

Hi.

It’s been a while yes?  I have been extremely busy and extremely sad.  I’ve had people hit me up and ask “Did I miss a blog post?” So I figured I’d give you guys an update.  As you know I am studying Public Relations and I have been volunteering my services for some awesome local businesses to help build my portfolio.  I love P.R and it really helps take my mind off of things.  Annnd my life is still in shambles.  Microscopic shambles.  Harris has given me permission to share with you the reason why I wrote the Shambles post.  This blog is a safe haven for me, however I don’t think I am quite ready to reveal the explicit details.  But I will say my trust was betrayed, and I was deceived about something very major.  It is so major that the entire course of our life that we had planned prior to marrying must now be redirected until some things can be addressed and fixed.  I.am.broken.  I was really looking forward to my happily ever after, and now I’m sitting here trying to put our lives back together…..before it even got started.  And some days I don’t want to try.  Some nights I cry myself to sleep.  But every day I try to hide the hurt from others.  Harris has been working very hard to regain my trust, to help put our family back together.  He says I don’t give him enough credit, but it is so hard when I am speaking through the suffocating pain that I feel.  I am learning what love really means.  Love is not a feeling, it’s an action.  Every day I wake up and decide to love him through the indescribable brokenness that has become me.  I am wounded, and only through prayer and the support of some pretty awesome people have I made it this far.  I haven’t given up, we are still fighting.  I think most days he is fighting to keep me, and I’m just fighting to keep my sanity.  I’m exhausted.  I still love him.  I know he loves me, but oftentimes we hurt those closest to us.  And boy is it devastating.  God won’t give you more than you can handle, so He must think very highly of me because I feel like this is unbearable.  But God is still good.  And I’m putting all my trust in Him.

I love you guys and thanks for all your support, comments, emails, texts.  I appreciate it all.

Til next time..